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This was the hardest meditation I've ever done. For the last few days I have been filled with much sadness, and I didn't really know why, and I kept asking the question why, Why am I sad?, Why I am here?. When my husband came home yesterday from being gone for 3 days he told me that his best friend found out he had cancer and has 6-8 weeks to live. I guess I was picking up on his sadness. For the first part of the meditation, I cried, it is hard to "HUH" when you are sobbing, so they were quite weak, the humming made my tongue buzz, and it took all my concentration to stay focused. I was finally able to go inside and when Beth said to bring something with me, I brought my husband, his friend and his friend's wife. I saw us siting in a circle, holding hands, and me directing "E's" to the right and to the left, even as the meditation ended, I continued and we all sent "E's" upward, our energies combining, and then I saw us all turning into tiny sparkles of stardust. It was a wonderful moment. I am still sad, but I have this moment, and I have the tools to go to this moment whenever the sadness begins to take over, I can imagine us sitting in that circle, exchanging energy, sending energy, being energy. Blessings
This meditation was much different than yesterday for a couple of reasons, first I was not sobbing and sadness did not fill my heart, and yesterday it was 70 degrees outside when I did it, and this morning it was 46...brrrr. One of the reasons I comment on these meditations is to let Beth know how much they are helping me in my day to day living, and also, I think it is important to share our experiences. I did not note in yesterday's meditation that I had a sharp pain in my left thigh, and that is where I focused (well as much as I could) on, and at the end of the mediation, the pain was gone. It is a pain that comes and goes and I haven't figured out yet what causes it, but I am grateful that it is gone for the time being. I did not focus on getting rid of it, just noticed it and sent the energy through. With that pain, I also have been experiencing quite a bit of pain in my knees, especially the left one. I do spend 8 hours a day standing or walking on concrete floors at work, not the best for them I am sure. I try not to take any medications, but sometimes I am just too tired to deal with it, or I am work and cannot go to my car and put on headphones and do a meditation. (Wouldn't that be nice, "Excuse me, do you mind if I skip out for 10 minutes to balance myself?" What I have done though is that when they start hurting, I ask my body, what do you need? I notice the pain mostly when I am walking, and I tend to walk with small steps, very fast, breathing shallow and leaning forward almost as if I am walking against something. When I notice my walking, I stand up straighter, take longer strides (I feel as if I am walking like a beauty queen), take a deep breath and the pain subsides for the most part. So I am learning how to walk differently. This is all from these meditations, listening to my body. I would like to get to the point where I listen most of the time to my body. Checking in periodically, "how ya doin, anything you need?" Baby steps.
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