Beth Johnson

Friday, January 2, 2015

Lesson Two

When you find yourself experiencing waves of emotions whether they are feelings of shame, guilt, grief, you name it… If they move through you on a regular basis, and it could be one of these or all of these emotions, your Ego is of the opinion that is justified in bringing this (;lakdfjlaksdja) to your attention again. It will continue to do so until you feel its blanket of steel over you and you chose to end this cycle. It is good that the Ego has persisted in showing you where you have need for flossing your inner teeth. In order to dispel the Ego’s routine of exhibiting an old habit when faced with certain circumstances you must catch the inhibiting sensation in action. When the sensation is felt you will infuse the weight of it with the energy from your inner self, the energy from your inner fountain of truth. This pure energy knows no thoughts of the past but only experiences the beauty of Now and your true nature. Soul Spirit rises up to immerse the untruth in the vibration of your Central Sun.
This human habit of self-deprecating is a mold we can all easily slip into. Don’t get me wrong I don’t mean that you sit around all day hating yourself. These can be the tiniest of things albeit they can also get to be very very big and out of proportion to the reality.

I will give you an example from my own repertoire of Ego challenges. I will pick something that is so small that you might even have trouble feeling its sting.
Yesterday morning when I got up it was dark and as I entered the kitchen area I saw that my husband had left the lights on from the night before.
Several things showed up for me from this small happening.
One… I could not resist telling him he left them on. Why? Because, according to my Ego, his Ego always make note of the things I don’t do right according to…..
Although his Ego does do this on many occasions, there is so much more to learn from this than making a mark for me on the Ego tote board. My learning process started when I said, “Did you know you left on the lights in the kitchen last night? He said in a light voice “No, did I?” End of story. No defense no other comment.
I thought at the time. I wish I would learn to respond that way. But no, my Ego has to grasp hold of the wrong doing and step up and claim the stupid sign and wear it with honor or is horror. Then I wonder over and over, why or how I could do such a thing.
I could see how his Ego did not identify with having done anything wrong and was not inclined to snatch the incident out of thin air and make it into a big deal.
I was actually proud that my Ego did not feel a need to go on and choose to say something like. “Well if I had done that you would have…….etc.” The whole thing was dropped.
Dropped until later in my meditation I could see how clearly my Ego jumps in to gear and claims the pangs of guilt. I can tell you I have no idea at this time how I managed to feel that I deserve that little trophy of guilt but I do know that I do it. I find it unnecessary to search the past to find the moment in time something occurred that might have sparked this belief. For me that only engage the thought process which invites the Ego back into the ring. I want to move past thought into a deeper understanding of self. What I want to do is feel how I feel when those moments occur and feel myself move from feelings of guilt to the sense of grace moving through me, a rush of energy that fills me with honor of self and for gosh sakes Trust of self. Words we will be saying over and over again.
The trick is when that uky feeling comes around we are usually are not in a place that we can slip away and obverse the process of transformation. So we must let ourselves follow the feelings that arise when you finish this sentence.
Please remember that the example I gave you is mine. Yours will be totally different. It may have nothing in common with my story. When you finish the sentence go where your sensations leads you. Uncover, dust, open, release, and bring light to where there was none.
I feel guilty when I _________.


Anonymous said...

I feel guilty when I ...Pounce. Like a cat I watch my pray and pounce when the moment is opportune. Instead I need to process and allow. Life's lesson are brief but truth prevails. I must embrace them.
Roxanne, CT

Tracy R said...

This Helped me Identify with more than one thing I have been feeling guilty about some old guilt