There is a situation I have with some close family members that I did not handle well last night, and I have been beating myself up for it. Then comes this meditation. I had the thought last night to do it when I got home, but instead opted for a glass of Port and the Olympics. My dreams might have different, but enough beating myself up, "shoulda, coulda"... It was very interesting that when I "Huhed!", all the items in my baskets jumped up, like Mexican jumping beans. I kind of chuckled, as I often do during these meditations. The fear that came up was "Hopelessness". I unable to "fix" this problem with my family members, it is not mine to fix, but I do want to be a post of support. As I write this, the word "Hopelessness is changing to "Helplessness". I looked them up. Two different forms of fear, one is despair, one is the inability to act effectively. Oh, that hurts. I once had a boss who called me "furiously effective" and I took it to heart, so to not be able to do anything about this family situation is frustrating. If it were friends, I would avoid them, but it is family, and I realize that if I avoided them, one of them would feel abandonment, wow, another thought that had come up during the meditation was, "Honor Thyself." And the realization that just came to me is that these family members do not respect me. They would not act this way around their friends. And so I turn it around, am I respecting them? Am I allowing them to be who they are, who they need to be? and why is it important to me that they be something else? We are all children of the Light, acting out our respective parts, and obviously they are reflecting a part of me that I am not respecting myself. Deep breath, big deep "Huh". Release. Allow. Respect. Accept.
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There is a situation I have with some close family members that I did not handle well last night, and I have been beating myself up for it. Then comes this meditation. I had the thought last night to do it when I got home, but instead opted for a glass of Port and the Olympics. My dreams might have different, but enough beating myself up, "shoulda, coulda"... It was very interesting that when I "Huhed!", all the items in my baskets jumped up, like Mexican jumping beans. I kind of chuckled, as I often do during these meditations. The fear that came up was "Hopelessness". I unable to "fix" this problem with my family members, it is not mine to fix, but I do want to be a post of support. As I write this, the word "Hopelessness is changing to "Helplessness". I looked them up. Two different forms of fear, one is despair, one is the inability to act effectively. Oh, that hurts. I once had a boss who called me "furiously effective" and I took it to heart, so to not be able to do anything about this family situation is frustrating. If it were friends, I would avoid them, but it is family, and I realize that if I avoided them, one of them would feel abandonment, wow, another thought that had come up during the meditation was, "Honor Thyself." And the realization that just came to me is that these family members do not respect me. They would not act this way around their friends. And so I turn it around, am I respecting them? Am I allowing them to be who they are, who they need to be? and why is it important to me that they be something else? We are all children of the Light, acting out our respective parts, and obviously they are reflecting a part of me that I am not respecting myself. Deep breath, big deep "Huh". Release. Allow. Respect. Accept.
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